When that cell door slammed on my first night in Maghaberry Prison, the most dangerous
maximum security prison in the UK, I was alone with my demons. And they had the upper
hand. Thoughts were spinning round my head. What have I done to my family? Why did I
do this? What will happen to my wife, Deborah, and my five children? Are they ashamed
of me? How can I make this right? I deserve to be here. I have years of imprisonment to
face.
As a child, I never dreamt of being a criminal. I dreamt of being a DJ, for as long as I can
remember, but an abusive father put pay to any aspirations I had. Years of physical and
mental abuse took it’s toll and it continues to affect me today. I dealt with the abuse by
surrounding myself with the one good thing in my life and that was music. But he
destroyed that idea as well as everything else. I allowed that abuse to fester into a bitter
anger that led me headlong into the world of crime. I had to prove myself as someone
tough and resilient. I had to prove to the world that I was not a victim. But that first night
in Maghaberry was living proof that you can’t escape your past.
You’ll hear rumours about me. You might hear about who and what I was connected with.
From Derry to Belfast, from Glasgow to London, you’ll hear whispered conspiracies. I
admit that I did wrong and I paid my debt to society through time served and the
Proceeds of Crime Act.
On the day of my imprisonment my name was googled half a million times. If you were to
google my name today, you'd be surprised by the amount of press I have accumulated
over the years. I’m not proud of it. Maybe you'd judge me, condemn me or write me off as
a crook. But those clippings don't tell the whole story.
You'll not read about my battle with trauma from childhood abuse and my ongoing daily
struggle with mental health. Most importantly those newspaper stories don't describe my
love for my wife Deborah and my five incredible children. You’ll not read about my love for
music and how, at 54, I’m attempting to fulfil the dreams of an abused child. All that kid
wanted to be was a DJ, and so here I am. I’m doing it for him.
This isn’t all about me. I’m wanting to give something back. I want to stand up to the
bullies and abusers and use my music to positively impact people. As a father of an LGBT
daughter, I am fully aware of her daily battle against judgement, bullying and scorn.
Therefore I'm proud to use my music to bring attention to the mental health issue that is
ongoing within the LGBT Community.

​

James Heaney